Meet 2018 Outstanding Alum Lara Embry '87

On April 20, Indian Springs’ Alumni Council presented clinical psychologist and social activist Lara Embry ’87 with the 2018 Outstanding Alum Award for her achievements in her field and her efforts to promote and protect LGBTQ+ rights. In addition to maintaining a private clinical psychology practice, Embry is a Clinical Assistant Professor in UAB’s Department of Pediatrics; a lecturer at professional conferences and community events; the published author of a children’s book about a girl that learns to stop bullying (Marlene, Marlene, Queen of Mean); and the co-director and co-producer of an award-winning documentary about the fight for LGBTQ+ family rights in the South (Alabama Bound, currently running on PBS).

For the spring 2018 issue of Indian Springs magazine, alumnae Starr Drum ’02 and Callen Bair Thistle ’01 asked Embry about her work and what inspires her.

A: Pretty much all of these activities are along a similar theme, that of pushing the conversation forward for LGBTQ+ rights. I find it unconscionable that some people oppress other people, and this is my way of working out that sense of injustice. I was also born into a family with enough means to allow for me to become really educated and entitled. I used that sense of entitlement to feel confident enough to challenge the status quo, as well as to open doors for myself. I learned sometime in my thirties that the answer to an unasked question was always “no,” and I started asking for more things that I thought could make a difference. That is what you see in this list of accomplishments— someone who just keeps asking myself, “How can I make a difference now?” and then actually following through on a few of those.

A: I feel I had so many shaping experiences at Springs. First, those years are like dog years, packing about seven years of change into one compared to the rest of your life. On top of that, my sister died, and I realized I was gay (during the Reagan years). Maybe more than anything, it taught me that I could get through anything, and the world keeps spinning out new days. I wrote my dissertation on resilience, and I don’t think it’s an accident that I got a Ph.D. in Adolescent Clinical Psychology.

A: Filming Alabama Bound gave me a window into what living here would be like, as I spent the first year returning to Alabama to interview lesbian families. I found people, like [State Rep.] Patricia Todd, who were standing up for themselves in ways that would not have been possible before. At that point, I knew I wanted to come back to help this be a better place for the next generation of kids coming up. In addition to setting up a private practice, I’ve been lucky to get to work with the Magic City Acceptance Center as well as Children’s Hospital to establish services for our queer youth. I’ve been volunteering as the psychologist for the gender clinic at Children’s for the past two years, and it has really been an educative experience.

A: A part of why I moved back to Alabama was so that Haden could attend Springs; this was absolutely intentional. When I told Haden we were going to move from L.A. to Alabama, her first response was “Does that mean I can go to Indian Springs?” There is something unique about the overall experience of Indian Springs, and it is wonderful to be able to share that with her. I see her coming to so many realizations and working through so many important concerns, and I remember my thought process being challenged on a regular basis when I was a student. It all just makes me really happy that she gets to have such a fertile ground for thought during this period of her life. I’ve also been so happy that she gets to go to Springs when we finally have a woman as Head of School. I have been so impressed with the quality of Sharon’s leadership, as well as her genuine concern for the students. I am just delighted that my daughter gets to see a strong woman in charge every day, making her school a better place.

A: My best advice to anyone is to pay attention to their feelings, learn about them, and use them, as they are there for a reason. There isn’t a right way to feel about anything, but it is important to understand what your feelings are saying about your experience. So many of life’s demands pull you away from your feelings, drawing your attention to whether you are being approved of, to the pursuit of perfection, or to noise—like video games, media, or drugs. Our culture is so pervasive, and it is insistent that we be constantly unsettled and oriented toward acquiring things in order to find happiness. During adolescence, your brain massively reorganizes, and you emerge with the networks that will largely govern your behavior for the rest of your life. The habits of attention that you form now will influence how you are able to think in the future. Having easy access to and a good understanding of your feelings can really increase your confidence in decision-making now and in the future. Being present and knowing yourself are incredibly valuable in being able to make decisions you feel good about, and in trusting yourself and others. No matter what, avoid feeling ashamed of things—it’s a distracting waste of time. Feel guilty if you have to feel bad and do something to fix it, but there is nothing wrong with who you are just because you mess up.

A: I am really focused on improving the quality of life of local transgender kids right now. As I see it, these are the queer folks who are in the most peril, and to whom I have the most to offer. I plan to continue working at the Gender Clinic at Children’s Hospital, and to help train more providers in Alabama to work competently with this group of people to improve services overall. I also want to enjoy my family time before both of my kids go off to start their own families, and it seems like that time is running shorter by the day.

Q: Do you still  have connections or involvement with fellow ISS alums and teachers? Tell us about those.

A: Right now in my life, the people I am closest to are Springs alums. My best friend is still Lisa Barnard, who has been the best ‘sister’ I could have asked for, and I stay in touch with quite a few alumnae from when I was there. My wife Emma is a Springs graduate, and our mutual love for Springs connected us from the start. Indeed, a mutual friend, Mary Kate Laird, who is also a Springs grad, set us up.  Emma has remained very involved and has just joined the Board of Governors, and that has brought even more Springs connected people into our lives. Because Emma is a bit younger than I am, she has different Springs friends than I do, and I’ve had the chance to get to know them, including her closest friend Alice Hawley. Of course our daughter Haden is there now, and that keeps us very connected to the school. It is fantastic, really, because I am generally fond of Springs people, and we are pretty well surrounded right now.

Q: Is there anything we haven’t asked you about that you want to share with the Springs community?

A: I love rowing. I started in college and spent years as one of those crazy adult athletes driving with my friends to regattas all over the country to race other similarly obsessed adults. While living in Florida, I also started coaching and loved working with the youth rowers. When I moved back to Birmingham, I found we didn’t have a youth team, which seemed ridiculous since UA gives about 20 rowing scholarships every year and the sport is spreading all over the Southeast. So, I found a couple of similarly minded folks here and started the Birmingham Area Youth Rowing team on Lake Purdy, which is building and introducing more kids to this beautiful sport. Rowing also teaches one of my most deeply held values: Working together as a team is both a wonderful feeling and makes you go so much faster and farther than you can on your own.